Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
