Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
