At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
