I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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