I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
