Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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