she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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