I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
