i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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