Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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