Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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