How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
