She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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