seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
