I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
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bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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