I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
