Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
