I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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