everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
