Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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