ya dads aren't the best wingmen
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
