Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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