My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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