haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
...so i touched it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
