I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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