woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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