Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
