I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
