my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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