i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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