I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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