he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
