You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
