drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh god it's open bar.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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