Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
