i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The best revenge is premature balding
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
