you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you are never too drunk for berry picking
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
