There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
