I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Welp...herpes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
