so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
