I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
