love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Pooping to opera.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
