Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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