We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
