There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
