Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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