How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
