we have pet lesbian snakes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
