His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
