OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
