Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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