I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
