I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
