I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
