I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
