Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You're like the curious george of whores
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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