I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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