I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
