Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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