Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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