Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
