I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
