$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
