when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize