Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
