i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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