he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
