How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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