Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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