The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
