Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
