everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize